Lesson learned.

Apparently I was a little over-zealous this week with my endeavours because I only lost one pound. Yes weight loss is weight loss but considering I spent two hours a day at the gym busting my ass, I was - needless to say - a little confused. After a little internet research I discovered that a lot of exercise and very little calories do not mix. I was eating about five or six hundred cals a day, which is not only stupid but pretty pointless.
Here's the thing. When you are burning a lot of calories through excerise but you are not eating a lot of calories your body goes into to shock a bit and shuts down. Your metabolism slows because your body thinks it's not going to have enough energy to get through the day.
Am I an idiot. So this week I'm upping my calories and continuing to work out and see what happens. For anyone who's interested I will be consuming about 1200 calories a day and working out for a few hours as I normally do. I only have to lose three pounds to be at the twenty pounds lost mark. Here's hoping..................

I am the biggest loser...

So it's weigh in day today and it also happens to be the premiere of the biggest loser. How ironic, since this week I was not the biggest loser, having only lost three pounds (as opposed to my goal of four). I can attribute this to the donut, the muffin, the m&ms and the cookies that I added in to my diet during this week. These were not part of my nutritious eating plan. This week I must be more strict with myself. I also didn't go to the gym at ALL this week because I got sick. This could also be a reason for my not reaching my goal. Ew.
On the bright side, my three pound weight loss brings my total to 16 pounds lost in three weeks. Not too shabby. I am now 200 pounds. I am still pissed. You see, I thought that if this week I got down to 199 I would feel a lot better than I have been lately. I have absolutely no patience so weight loss is an ordeal for me. Still fat. Still upset.
I did get excited last night while I was reading InStyle magazine because I'm really looking forward to wearing skinny people clothes. My fantasy at the moment is to go to a really trendy bar in the city all dressed up in really cute clothes. My friend is the king of designer clothes so he has a wardrobe full of them, and I plan on both of us looking fabulous and being fabulous on a fabulous night out. I also have a secret dream of walking into an Abercrombie store and being acknowledged. Seriously. It is my experience that unless your mad skinny and cute, the employees there dont say hi to you at the door or offer you help inside. Mainly because they too are mad skinny and cute. Not that I need their validation, but it would be nice to feel like a girl for once and not a blob.

I am a 200 pound blob.

Blink and it's gone

Dammit. So I guess I started this blog a little late. I should have started it when I made the decision to lose weight. But then again who needs the sappy "I'm gonna do this" inspirational dialogue. The last time I posted something like that online I ended up ten pounds fatter a few months later and cursing my naivete.

So now here I am, almost three weeks after beginning my weightloss "journey", 13 pounds lighter. Actually weigh in is on Wednesday so maybe I've lost more than 13 pounds, we shall see.
I just wish I could snap my fingers and be skinny. I think the downfall of all my weightloss attempts can be attributed to my severe lack of patience. I lose a few pounds, get frustrated and put it all back on. I should actually be happy I can lose weight so fast. It takes some people a month or more to lose what I can in a week. So why am I impatient. Because for me nothing is ever good enough. I have this huge fear that maybe I'll get skinny and STILL not be happy with myself.

Anyway today I spent most of my time online looking for clothes that I can wear when I hit my goal weight. How depressing is shopping when you're fat? Oh god I hate it. All I want to do is spend hundreds of dollars on clothes I will only wear once from Urban Outfitters or Diesel, but nooooooooo they dont make anything above a size 4 or for anyone who actually HAS breasts. I shouldnt really be pissed about the sizes because I'm not entirely sure that if they did make larger sizes, anyone would look good in them. I mean, clothes like that just look good on skinny people. I have yet to see a plus size girl who looks really trendy (in that East Vilaggey kind of way that I so like). Nope, it's Old Navy for us fatties. What's that you say?? Lane Bryant?? I dont think so. Despite their somewhat nice seleciton I refuse to shop at ANY 'plus size' store because then I would be admitting to being just that. I will only shop at a store that regular size people shop at, but get the larger size. Stupid right? Welcome to my world.